Royal Doulton Jugs

7 Responses

1. yoadriannejohnson

   2010 Jan 31 1

   he is not ready to get rid of his things have him pay for storage.
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2. Happy-2

   2010 Jan 31 2

   I think it’s wrong to do anything with something that belongs to someone else. It is wrong of you to dispose of any single thing that belongs to him, no matter how ugly you think it is, no matter how little he paid for it, and no matter where he bought it. This is a test of personal respect, and you are failing miserably. Tend to your own stuff. If necessary, wait until you move into your new place for him to make his decisions; if there isn’t room for everything, he’ll have to deal with it then. You’re trying to be controlling and domineering, which are very unattractive qualities.
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3. Shannon

   2010 Jan 31 3

   Yeah… um stop trying to control him so much and give him an ounce of respect or this isn’t going to last.

   He thinks your antique (broken) teacup (junk) collection is broken junk. Are you ever going to seriously have a tea party and use the antiques to serve?

   This is all about emotion; if you had some flimsy Frisbee that your late father gave you, are you tossing it because its not worth $$$$?
   He does not value things for their $ amount. He values them for the memories surrounding them or their effective and simple functionality. That shelf was probably a pos because he built it himself in a spur-of-the-moment with a good friend of his and then you painted over it and destroyed it trying to make it "salvageable". If he moved it and he destroyed it, oh well. But instead you’re destroying his things.
   "Antique lamp" means pain-in-the-ass to use (where did they bury the switch that’s hard to turn now) and doesn’t work well (not white light). To him, a $10 lamp from K-Mart *is* better. A dent does not prevent it from working.

   Stop throwing his stuff away and talk to him and until he understands that the comfort of the home is tremendously more important to you than it is to him. He should have some area for his stuff but otherwise you ought to have reign on the house. Come to a *mutual agreement* on where and how much room to set aside and let him sort out his own stuff. Make certain you are both /happy/ about the arrangement.

   His "problem", unfortunately, is you.
   References :
   Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage

4. Angie K

   2010 Jan 31 4

   Wow. I’m going to assume that this is just a vent and that there are some things about your husband that you find appealing, LOL! Sounds like he is defensive because he thinks you’re implying everything he has is junk and everything you have is cultured.

   I’ll bet this is a common problem. My husband and I are actually moving to a place half the size of our current. We haven’t had any arguments yet about what to keep, but neither of us is especially attached to anything. Regardless, my husband has been volunteering to give up several things that he enjoys, and I have too.

   I would recommend that you sort things into piles. Clearly you should have all your furnishing and daily required items in one pile. Then put all of his extra stuff in one, your extra stuff in the other. BOTH of you could whittle them down to say…two large boxes each.

   That takes the conversation away from whose stuff is trash or not, and puts the emphasis on SPACE, which is what this should really be about.
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5. Brianna

   2010 Jan 31 5

   I can tell you what is honestly going on, but you won’t like my answer and will probably argue it with me. It’s very simple really.

   He feels he gave up too much already to be in this relationship. He feels that none of his taste is appreciated, his taste is the 99cent stuff he has. Yes, it seems like nothing to you, but it’s HIS stuff. So what if your lamp cost 2,000 dollars, he still may not like it.

   Many men feel they lose their own personalities when moving in with a woman. She wants to get rid of all his cheap stuff, the stuff he likes and took time to either purchase or get his hands on it.

   You need to give on this. Stop thinking about how much something cost. On the book shelf that you have, put out a few of his african masks (that may be china made). Would you really want to move into his place and him tell you that he doesn’t like your taste (no matter how much something cost) and that you needed to get rid of it all for his stuff that he felt was so much better than your stuff?

   He’s feeling that he and his stuff were never good enough for you to love. He’s feeling that if you cannot accept his stuff, then you aren’t accepting him for who he is.

   If you display his items in the home, in about 5 years it’s going to be a non-issue. When you go shopping for the home, from here on out, take him with you. Before stating what you like, ask him what he likes. Consider getting it and displaying it proudly and talk about it being HIS item. The more you do this, the less angry he’ll feel about it and the more accepted he’ll feel. Slowly his tastes will change and it will be items that you both like. You’ll learn to appreciate each others tastes and find middle grounds. You have yet to find a middle ground, only hatred for his stuff.

   Stop caring about how much things cost and instead focus on what these things mean to each other. He can never enjoy your lamps when it meant his lamp got throw out of the house in another show of hatred towards his taste. You need to make up a room or area that is HIS. Where some of his stuff can sit proudly. If you aren’t able to do so it will mean many unhappy years and this argument will only get worse until it could possibly end your relationship completely.

   What’s more important to you? Loving your husband and accepting him as he is, stuff and all. Showing him care by leave his stuff alone. Or being right and having only those items you like in YOUR home. Right now, sounds like the home is only yours and not his at all. Is your marriage really worth being this controlling?
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   A no brainer on the dishes would be to put the nice dishes in the hutch and have his dishes in the cabinet to be used for the microwave and what not. Simple and he’d finally be happy.

   The true no brainer here is you are making him very unhappy… why don’t you care about that part?

6. Garnet Glitter

   2010 Jan 31 6

   lol it’s a common problem….
   You must learn the 2 wife-ly art forms…..Sneakery & Mis-direction…..

   For example,

   My darling bught before we married a livingroom suite…..he did the logical thing since he cannot decorate when he purchased a ’showcase’ from Rooms-To-Go……smart since the pieces (sofa, easy chair, love seat, two end tables for the love seat and two for the sofa, coffee table, table and floor lamps , sofa table, were all co-ordinated. To this he added a large t.v., surround sound & stand, and two 8 foot tall book cases.

   They all do ‘go’ together……problem is, he never measured the room.
   And the peices are all oversized……
   ..the livingroom is small.

   So he placed the t.v against one wall, the easy chair & a coffee table & end table on the opposite wall and all the other peices kinda sorta found some place…looked like a furniture warehouse had exploded. And refused to change anything.

   LOL.

   Now, the master bedroom…..he had the suite his mother had bought him….when he was 14….he was 55 when I married him….

   LOL.

   Before we married we had agreed on what furniture of mine we would use and what peices of his…..and of course the second bedroom HAD to be cleaned out (he was using it as a junk room…..don;t ask)
   His china was paper plates , he had one place setting to eat with and three old pots (he ate out or bought take out ;cause he can’t cook)
   The only things he collected (still does) are DVD’s…okay.

   Thru sneakery & misdirection I got ride of all 4 end tables (cheap stuff & too big, ugly faux blonde wood) and the coffee table, the love seat, lamps, and the nasty t.v stand by donating them to the friend who just divorced and had nothing (it appealed to the do-gooder in him) and from the monies I got from the sale of my home we purchased ONLY 2 end tables & a coffee table that he really loved. (black wrought iron with blue slate tops….perfect with his dark blue leather sofa/easy chair) he loves my dark oak entertainment center witht the lighted glass cabinettes, especialy when I suggested turning one of them into a ‘liquor display cabinette’ for all my glasses and his booze collection. I painted the sofa table black-it looks very sharp and he loves it.

   He loves Bonanza….I already had an antique brass bed….I suggested bedroom furniture more in keeping with the Ponderosa…my treat of course….the eyes lit up and now instead of faux pine falling apart danish modern we have solid golden oak country rustic pieces that Ben Cartwright would be proud to own lol….

   other things…..the tacky vinyl shower curtain ‘cracked’ and had to be replaced (hehe)….and you know mis-matched china can ‘accidently’ break until there are too few peices left (d@mn that dish washer….) then a new everyday set can be purchased and occasionally stuff can be ‘misplaced’…….

   And then you have to let the poor dear keep some of his treasures-neatly packed away….as long as they aren;t staring you in the face every day, it’s okay. Even if it’s in a box under the bed or the back of a closet……as long as he has some say in stuff you can with careful maneuvering (all us females know how, m’dear) get what you want, or almost what you want and make him think it was all his idea in the first place!

   Good luck.
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7. That One Girl

   2010 Jan 31 7

   Going through the same thing lol

   How we solved it was set both things next to each other and say what one looks better. Not who’s is better but WHAT is better. That’s the key. He doesn’t want to admit is stuff is junk.

   Then there’s the storage stuff. We both seen how much storage we have and divided it in half. He gets 3 boxes and I get 3 boxes. I pick my priorities, he picks his. I run out of space and have to toss stuff, so does he. There’s no I got this and he gets that.

   One of the biggest fights was over the couch. We just couldn’t agree because mine’s newer and in better shape, but his is more comfortable with a hide-a-bed. On that we just decided to sell both and pick out together a new one.
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